Harold Carr 11 2003

The Solar God

For all practically purposes the sun is God(dess). We've made up many motivations for our beliefs, from our guilt in killing animals to the cold hard fact of death. But if you trace our words for God back to their beginnings you have Jove, Jupiter, Zeus, Tiu, and Deus all deriving from the same Indo-European root meaning "to shine," "sky," "heaven," and "god." So it seems the sun is the shining sky and what shines brighter than the sun?

If one where to make a religion or philosophy of this etymology its simplest most direct manifestation would be like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west --- to live one day at a time, to live in the moment.

Dream of Craig in Foothills of North Salt Lake

We are in a 4-wheel-drive vehicle in the foothills of North Salt Lake where I grew up. Craig is driving. We are trying to make it to the mountain tops. Craig says the roads are chained off when you get to the lake bench 1/3 the way up but that the chains aren't locked and he had removed them and gone further.

I spend more time with my head turned left looking at Craig in the cab of the truck than looking out at the landscape. I'm very aware (in the dream) that any time spent with Craig is a gift since he's gone.

I see a steep road that seems to go straight up the mountain. I say let's take it. Craig asks if I've been on it before. I say it strange but I've never even seen it. You'd think I would know it, having grown up here.

As we approach the bottom of the road I'm surprised that Craig is making a slow half-hearted approach in 2-wheel-drive. I suggest putting it in 4-wheel-drive. He turns and asks me, doyouthinkso? with a smiling curious face.

Another car comes down the hill on the road and passes us as we prepare to go up. The road is covered in parts with ice, particularly the bottom part.

We start to go up and I expect to slip a bit on the ice. The dream fades...

Death Oscillates

I've always had a propensity for abstract ideas, and death, like infinity, is abstract. However, unlike infinity, death is very concrete when you lose someone close. But death still oscillates. It is very real---the person you love is not there any longer. But it still retains aspects of infinity---where did they go?

So, although I was fascinated by the Greek temples in Sicily (which put life and death in a longer perspective) I still thought about Filipe, Craig and death throughout each day.

Ovid's Metamorphoses

A tale of strange shapes from the beginning until now.

First Kaos, a tightly packed ball of mud and seeds. No land nor sea nor sun nor moon with its borrowed light.

Arthur Golding

Latin, translations, images: Sir Samuel Garth, John Dryden, et al

Educating us to listen and speak clearly

Poor speaking engenders weak listening. For example, I have just spent the last week at a conference in Sicily. Over 90 percent of the speakers had too many slides for the alloted time, had slides with too many words on them, spent too much time on background material leaving little time to discuss their unique contribution, read their slides with their backs to the audience --- in other words, they spoke poorly. Many times, despite my efforts to listen, I found myself falling asleep.

Clear concise speaking enables resonant listening. For example, one speaker, Dan Dvorak (of JPL), had simple slides with diagrams and lots of white space. While the slides were up he faced the audience and narrated the diagrams with words not present on the slides. In other words, he engaged the audience.

What I am suggesting is that we need to be educated in how the speak and listen effectively. In the past I've always said that we are not educated in two areas in which we will deal with for the rest of our lives: sex and personal finance. I now realize it is actually three areas with the inclusion of effective listening/speaking.

(I wrote the above in response to Phillip Bimstein's article Composing a Community Dialogue in New Music Box.)

"Death's Thunder Fills the Universe" - Bataille

Walking through the airport corridors toward the plane taking me to Sicily, I catch my breathe - a slight pause of my heart - as I look at the framed photographs of Southern Utah and remember Craig.

Taking off in snow, rising through low clouds, we quickly reach the sunny sky in our journey east. A white haze, above solid clouds, gradually thinning into blue - no clear line, from this perspective, between heaven and earth. I'm in heaven now, looking for my friend.

I'm being absorbed in the sun, in an immense solar flare pushing me past the edge of the earth, a radiance linking my short allocation of time with an unimaginable beyond. Eternity - Birth - Life - Death - Eternity. Within "Life" innumerable joys and sorrows. In "Eternity" all that we are or ever will be.

(The nachos served on the plane remind me of the ones we ate on the San Juan shuttle on my first kayaking trip with Craig.)

Death, something that happens to others, has happened to an "other", but another so close that is has happened to me - except the world still exists, whereas, when I die, all will be gone.